Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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