He uses pillows to masturbate.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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