Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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