Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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