no, he came in my armpit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
