If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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