At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
