my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
