I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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