found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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