i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize