nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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