just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
honey bunches of taint.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
