I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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