there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
a search helicopter?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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