So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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