Will you blow on my dice?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
