he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
