The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
