Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
