I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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