Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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