So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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