# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
