Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
