you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
