I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize