There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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