Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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