remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
