and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
