My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
