She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
