didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
