Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
