Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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