My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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