My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
