You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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