You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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