Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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