I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
