Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
