i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
