I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
