I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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