when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
