Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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