I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
