If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
