if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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