Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
