all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
