When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
