She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
