oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
