please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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