there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
