AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
