remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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