I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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