I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize