Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
