Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will be naked everywhere
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
