oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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