i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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