Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
More tranny stories later!
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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