i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
