He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
