Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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