Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
