I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
