He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
